Who just got a little squeamish reading the title? Then you especially need to keep reading. It's time to talk about sex. Say it with me, "S E X."
This is something that I became pretty intentional about when I was in college, and recently got a big reminder of after attending a training titled, "How to Talk about Sex and Sexuality," with a focus on supporting persons with developmental disabilities.
For me, feeling comfortable talking about sex and sexuality took a little while. After a few university retreats, conversations with friends, and meetings with my spiritual director and therapist, I was finally able to remove sex from this incredible pedestal that it had been set on by the culture of my youth. At first I actually became pretty angry at how much I didn't know about the topic, and how my lack of knowledge had already left me with significant experiences of trauma and shame. I slowly realized how important it was to remove sex from that pedestal I had set it on, and normalize conversations about it in order to help create a culture that was educated, empowered, and, most of all, safe.
Now I am not saying everyone should be having sex. No no no. You may uphold any and all sorts of religious or moral beliefs you want. But sexuality is a beautiful, innate part of human nature that influences how most of us live our lives, and it must be talked about with more freedom, honesty, and respect. Growing up, I considered sex something I wasn't supposed to touch or even think about until after I was married. And you better believe I tried to uphold this unachievable standard as long as I could, but unfortunately the nature of my own humanity had other ideas. I look back now and see how natural it was as I began to recognize sexual energy within myself, explore my body, and develop attractions. Now I see it as natural and healthy, but at the time this experience caused me wild mounts of shame and stress. It was so normal and human to be going through, but I did not feel comfortable enough to talk about it with anyone. So growing up I did my best to figure things out on my own, which lead to more shame, dangerous situations, and lots of lies. If sexuality weren't such a taboo topic at the time, especially queer sexuality, I might have been able to more appropriately navigate those God-given feelings growing up, and avoid some of the really unfortunate circumstances that I experienced as a young man. This is why talking about sex is important. The more we as a society are educating our children on sexual health (i.e. safe sex, anatomy, consent, appropriate boundaries, alternatives, STIs, etc.) the healthier and safer we all will be. The more we openly and honestly discuss our own sexual experiences with our sexual partners, the more safe, pleasurable, and intimate our sexual experiences can become. And the more we talk about sexuality as a natural, beautiful, and divine part of our human experience, the less it will be seen as scary or shameful.
Keep peace and keep creating,
Parker <3
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