Today my grandfather had a very serious operation. His health has been declining lately, and the doctors told us that this operation was more or less his final shot, or else it would only be a matter of time. But he has been feeling weak, and everyone was uncertain whether he would be able to survive the procedure. Thankfully, he did. He is one tough, grumpy cookie, and I am happy to know he will be around for a while longer.
So it was a strange day as you can imagine. Last night I slept in a friend's Airbnb they had rented for birthday festivities on the Oregon coast. So after a lovely, goofy night, I woke up early, put on my coat and scarf, and took a slow walk up the beach at dawn. I knew it was going to a be long day for my family and I as we anticipated my grandfather's surgery and the outcome, so I wanted to start the day off alone, reflecting, and sending out good energy and prayers.
The walk was exactly what I needed. It was gorgeous and soothing. Because it was dawn the moon still hung exposed in the sky, the air was chilled, and there was a heavy mist pushing in from the sea. Large waves crashed over and over, racing up the sand and pebbles trying to kiss my sneakers—sometimes they would be faster than I expected, and my meditative walk would break into a quirky little skip, jump, and giggle to avoid their sloppy, wet kiss. I even spotted two unidentifiable porpoises taking their morning route along the beach just like me. These were all comforting breaks to the heavier sentiments on my mind. Unfortunately the porpoises also drew my attention away from the affectionate waves, which resulted in a surprise, icy kiss that saturated my socks for the rest of my stroll. An additional layer of beauty was added as the sun began to rise over the inland. It splashed spots of purple, pink, and orange in the clouds across the sky, and also inspired a very helpful reminder... We have such little control in this world.
It is easy to forget. We get so caught up in trying to control our plans and schedules and finances and friend groups and relationships and studies and hobbies and projects and health and media and blogs and .... It is all ridiculous. At the end of the day the ocean is still going to be sending in waves, the sun and the moon are still going to rise and set, and people are still going to die. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I accepted my grandfather's death in that moment, but I simply let go of some of the responsibility I somehow felt for his life. I wanted the surgery to be successful, but I was not going to be able to determine the outcome. It was out of my control. I could only accept it was happening, and like a wave coming in from the sea, it would either greet me with a salty kiss or some salty tears.
Today I am thankful it was a kiss. Cheers to more life with you, Grandpa.
Keep peace and keep creating,
Parker <3
