Yesterday one of my housemates and I stopped in a local burger joint for a quick treat. Adam got a large pop with ice (or a large ice with pop as you might describe it), I got a small milkshake, and we made ourselves comfortable in a booth next to a window facing the intersection outside. Not five minutes later the calm, overcast day turned bright and bustling as swarms of teenagers suddenly filled the sidewalks, and began to file into the restaurant.
Hundreds of students were pouring out of the high school we now noticed across the street. It was 3pm. School was out. They flooded the intersection, the bus stops, and the empty booths and tables all around us with an attitude of “free at last.” It was as if Adam and I were suddenly on the set of any classic coming-of-age film. (Think anything from “The Breakfast Club” to Netflix’s recent “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.”)
Adam and I watched the film unfold from comfortable front row seats as the students made their orders, and took what seemed to be their routine places in the restaurant. (We could tell we had thrown off a delicate balance by sitting in a certain group’s “assigned” booth. Oops.) There were tables representing many stereotypical social groups—the musicians, the sports players, the scientists, the popular girls, the stoners, etc.—as well as examples of awkward teenage love, artsy kids with colored hair, individuals in rebellious-looking all black outfits, and boys loudly practicing what we guessed was a new handshake over and over. It was comical how set the scene seemed to be.
Save for a few curious glances, Adam and I were invisible, and I am not sure about him, but I was quite happy about it. The teenage world was interesting and entertaining to see up close, but also a bit cringe-worthy.
I had a positive high school experience overall. Besides personal struggles with being closeted and depression as a result, I had a good group of friends, decent grades, and plenty of extracurriculars to keep me busy. Yet, it was never easy, and I know for some it can be a really difficult and complicated time. What made me cringe was that there were many kids in and out of the restaurant who I recognized may be having some of those more negative experiences that are possible at that age—people sitting alone, people avoiding eye contact, ordering quickly, and leaving, or even groups at obvious odds with each other. (I’m telling you. These teenagers were so easy to read.) I just wanted to reach out and explain to them that the strange dynamics social power at play in that burger joint, weren’t real. That none of it actually exists beyond their high school. I wanted to tell them that things were going to be ok, and really none of it mattered!
But of course I couldn’t do that. Because to a 17 year-old boy trying to hide his sexuality and depression, maintaining a popular social status is one of the things that matters the most. It’s not a healthy conviction, but it is how he understands his self-worth at the time. (I may or may not be speaking from experience here.) So of course everything that was happening in that burger joint at 3pm on a Wednesday mattered. It might not have mattered to me, and it might not matter to those students years down the road, but it matters to them now, and that’s important. It’s so easy for adults (even young ones like myself) to forget just how big some of the struggles of being a teenager not only seem, but sometimes really are.
So my thoughts shifted. Instead of wanting to explain that none of it mattered, I just wanted to explain that each of them mattered. I was grateful to be removed from it all, but feeling sympathy for some of the ones in the middle of it. I did my best to send out some good energy.
Soon enough Adam and I finished what was in our cups, and left the restaurant, turning around to see our booth had quickly been filled by two boys and three girls laughing about something (maybe a triumphant laugh at finally sitting down in their regular spot). I hoped they kept laughing, and received some of those positive thoughts I had been trying to send by osmosis.
High school is weird. It’s everything like those coming-of-age films, it’s so much more, and it’s not forever.
Keep peace and keep creating,
Parker <3
