Ok ok. I promise this is the last day I will talk about fear. It has just felt like an important subject. We don't talk about it enough, and yet it is a very real emotion that we all experience. And there are so many different ways that we experience it.
For that reason, I tried to think of a pretty universal fear to write about today. So I found myself thinking about the common fear of not being liked. (Quick note: Being liked is very different from being accepted, and I want to save the topic of "being accepted" for another day.) From childhood to adulthood, anytime we are in social settings, especially with new people, there is always the voice in the back of your head asking, "Will they like me?" For some people this voice is loud and clear, for others it is not so direct, but I would venture to say that it speaks to all of us to some degree. It is natural and probably instinctive to want to be liked.
What is it about being "liked" that we find so valuable? Survival—that if we are well-liked, then we will be well taken care of? Status—that the more people who like us, the more influence we have? Attention—that the more likes we get on instagram, the more self-worth we feel? Etc. But here is the truth: maybe it is not so much about being liked as it is about being loved. We fear we are not lovable, and it has been causing us to phrase the question all wrong. Instead of asking, "Will they like me?" We should be asking, "What will they like about me?" This simple rephrasing implies there are already reasons to be liked. Better yet, maybe we could be asking, "What will they love about me?" Imagine meeting a new person, a new potential friend, with that thought in the back of your head.
"What will they love about me?"
This is an awareness rooted in love, and not in fear. Some of the most attractive people I have met are the people who have already learned to love themselves. They aren't looking for validation from me, but might be looking for friendship, and the two are very different. They know they are loved and lovable, and the freedom, tenderness, and confidence this attitude brings to their personalities is inspiring.
So next time you find yourself at work, school, or in any social situation remember to let your self-awareness be guided by love, and not by fear. You are lovable. Act like it. And if people cannot seem to see that, then it is their loss.
But don’t forget this also means everyone else is lovable too! It’s a matter of whether those lovable qualities align that will lead to deeper relationship.
Keep peace and keep creating,
Parker <3
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